RECRUITMENT

ob vacancies @ Al shaabab

AL SHAABAB

Vacancies

Al Shabaab, a popular terror organisation, will soon be opening a cell in Tanzania and is currently seeking to recruit young, dynamic and stupid Tanzanians to fill the following posts:

1.    Cell leader (2)You will be responsible for brainwashing and recruiting a team of young, vulnerable and gullible operatives who will carry out the organisation’s activities in the country.  As the cell leader you must possess the charisma necessary to fool everyone into believing that our cause is just. You will also have the opportunity to travel and attend the annual World Terror Forum (WTF) hosted in a different country each year.

Requirements: At least 10 years experience as ruthless evil mastermind with high levels of manipulation skills, complete disregard for others lives, high level of education, ability to handle the media, charisma and/or extreme brutality. Must possess multiple fake passports.

2.    Explosive expert (1)This is a technical position that requires extensive knowledge of bombs and other explosive devices. The explosive expert will have the skills to create improvised explosives made from everyday materials like spoons and salt. 

RequirementsPrevious military experience a must preferable with demonstrated experience handling explosives. Alternatively a criminal background will also be considered.

3.    Suicide officers (1000)As the heart of the organisation you will be responsible for carrying out a mission as directed by your leader. You will be responsible for staking out potential targets and advice your cell leader on the best way forward. In collaboration with your team you will devise best way to blow yourself up along with the designated target.

RequirementsNo prior experience required. Preferably no schooling at all but will consider educated applicants if they can demonstrate high levels of stupidity. The successful candidate will be ready to blow himself up at a moment’s notice.

RenumerationAn attractive package awaits the qualified applicants. 

Application procedureEmail your CV and Cover Letter to: jobs.tanzania@alshaabab.org